its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
