That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
