Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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