if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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