this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
