I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
