Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
