So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
