I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize