We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
