After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So much rum. So many feels.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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