So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
