i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
