If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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