She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
