I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
