I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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