This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize