you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize