hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
