Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize