ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My feet surprised me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
