i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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