she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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