my phone needs a breathalizer
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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