How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
