What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
