if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
