Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
