It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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