dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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