mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
