i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
