Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize