if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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