butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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