If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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