I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
