it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
