I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
