Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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