her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ok first of all what the fuck
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
