This house was built for laser tag.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's always time for handjobs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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