You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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