im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
