its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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