The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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