Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
