Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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