Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
