dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
