When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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