I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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