just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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