Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can you bring me the toilet please
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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