OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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