it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
