I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize