my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
