i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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