I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
