Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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