I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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